A Dark Nightmare Revisited: The Journals of Stephanie Marie McMahon
by FabulousBeauty
Summary: In short, the Greater Power storyline from Stephanie's POV. Please read A Dark Nightmare Revisited to see how it all ties in.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Notes and shit: Sometimes, you've just got to run with the inspiration.  
This new series is the entire Dark Obsession storyline from Stephanie's POV. Starting from the 3/29/99 Raw up through the when the Greater Power was revealed. This is based on and will feature references from my story, A Dark Nightmare Revisited. I suggest you read that to get a better idea of what this story will pertain to.

Disclaimer: Stephanie McMahon, the Undertaker, and any other WWE superstars that may be in this fanfic are the property of World Wrestling Entertainment. Please treat them with respect. This story does contain suggestive dialogue and references to rape, so trigger warnings apply here. If you don't like the subject matter, you were warned beforehand. I encourage you to let me know what you think about this and all my other writings.

A Dark Nightmare Revisited: The Journals of Stephanie Marie McMahon

Book One

Chapter 1-3/29/99 4:26 PM

I can't believe I'm actually going to Raw tonight with my family. I wish it was under happier circumstances. My father has been extremely protective of me lately, especially since the Undertaker and his Ministry of Darkness have been threatening and following me for the past month and change. They've taken pictures of me, they've burned my favorite teddy bear, they've even come to our house in search of me! Their threats have gotten to my dad. in particular, their actions last night at Wrestlemania, actually hanging the Big Bossman from the roof of Hell In A Cell! If they would do that, who knows what they have planned for tonight? I hope I can have a reasonably good time and not worry about it too much. But Dad and Shane wouldn't let anything happen to me, right?

3/30/99 1:24 AM

I can't sleep.  
I'm still shaken from the events of just a few hours ago. It all just happened so fast...  
I remember Dad leaving the office to go confront the Undertaker and the Ministry in the ring. Then Shane said he wanted to get me some water. I was only alone for a few seconds  
Suddenly, these two men barged in, grabbed me, and dragged me down into the basement. All they told me was that "He" wanted to see me. He meaning the Undertaker, I assumed. After a while, he did show up. He called my dad and said something about "sugar and spice"...I don't know. I was worried about what he might do. He dismissed the two men and left me alone with my worst nightmare. I asked him what he wanted with me. I told him that Dad would give him whatever he wanted and he just had to let me go. That was when he told me that this wasn't about the WWF. It was about me...and what he wanted from me.  
He actually said he wanted to take my virginity.  
That was the last thing I ever expected him to say. I mean, I've known him for years and he's much older than me. But...how sick can you get?  
But that wasn't the worst part.  
After I slapped him good and hard...it wasn't like he didn't deserve it, either...He took me and handcuffed me to a pipe, leaving me he took my legs and wrapped them around his waist...and started pushing his hips against mine. The really disgusting thing? He was actually getting turned on by my fear! I could feel him growing harder against my core as he described in great detail what he wanted to do to me.  
When he was done, he kissed me forcefully. Who knows what else he would have done hadn't someone banged on the door and told him they had to leave. He unchained me and drew his symbol on my forehead. He promised me that the next time we came face to face...that I would belong to him.  
He walked away and left me standing there, stunned and repulsed by his actions. I walked over to a corner of the basement and I sank to the floor. I couldn't do anything but cry. He may not have taken my virginity, nor will he ever get the chance to, but I did lose any and all respect I had for him as an employee of my father. None of the other wrestlers had the cojones to come on to me like he did. Dad would have a cow if anyone disrespected me like the Undertaker, or should I say Mark, has.  
I don't know how long it was that I had been down there, but I soon heard someone calling my name. Suddenly Ken Shamrock appeared. I was still shaken up after my encounter with the Undertaker, but he assured me that he was going to take me back to my father.  
When I got back to Dad's office, both Dad and Shane were waiting for me. I was so glad to be back with my father. After what I'd just experienced, I hoped that he would never let me out of his sight again.  
Soon Dad and I left the arena and headed tom the hotel, where Dad immediately had extra security placed outside my door. He declared that he wasn't taking any more chances leaving me alone and I was to have the guards watch me 24/7. Of course, he would be by my side, as well, whenever he was at work.  
I haven't told Dad about what Taker had done. I wish I could tell someone. The only person I would tell is my sister, Xandra, but she's focusing on her studies at Yale. I don't want to burden her with this. Hopefully she'll never have to find out about this.  
I guess I should try to sleep now...but I can't help but wonder. Why is the Undertaker playing these twisted games with my father? Why does he want to take my virginity? Will he strike again? I'd hate to find out.


	2. Chapters 2 and 3

Chapter 2: 4/4/99 4:42 PM

I've been getting ready for an exclusive interview with my dad and Jerry "The King" Lawler. We're going to talk about what happened on Monday when the Undertaker abducted me.  
You want to know something? I really don't feel like talking...yet I also want to tell the world. Strange, I know.  
I still haven't told anyone what really happened in that basement, especially my father. I know I should tell him, but I don't want him to have a heart attack, or go off and beat Taker up. I've seen him fight Stone Cold Steve Austin just because he didn't want him to be the WWF Champion. Who knows how he'd react to someone sexually harassing his oldest daughter?  
Shane, on the other hand, seems a little distracted. Dad gave him the task of running their "Corporation" last week after Dad and I left the arena. He refuses to talk about what's been going on, but instead says he's more worried about me. He insists that someone needs to run the WWF in Dad's absence. I would think that now wasn't the best time to discuss business when so much has gone on with me lately.  
That's Dad. Jerry's here. More tomorrow.

Chapter 3: 4/5/99 2:33 PM

Another Monday, another Raw with my dad and Shane. Dad says he's not risking my life again, so he actually has security in his office with us. That way, the Ministry doesn't stand a chance.  
Hopefully, the Undertaker, excuse me, Mark, now knows better than to mess with the McMahon family. Dad's ready to tear him apart at any moment, I'm willing to fight for my freedom, and Shane...well, Shane says he'll defend me if needed, but I think his mind is elsewhere lately.  
Gotta go. Dad just bought dinner in for us. It's going to be another long night.

4/6/99 12:19 AM

Well.  
If I wasn't scared of the Undertaker before,I most definitely am now.  
As if mentally torturing us throughout the night wasn't enough...he and the Ministry actually kidnapped another young woman. I think it was Ken Shamrock's little sister, Ryan. Anyway, they tied her to the Undertaker symbol and sacrificed her. All the while, he was saying all this stuff about how they follow a greater power, and how it was time I come home.  
I honestly don't know who this man is anymore. I mean, he's supposed to be the "purity of evil" and whatever...but Dad and I both think he's playing his character a little too well.  
As for Shane, he left as soon as Dad told him he didn't care about what was going on with Steve Austin, and his only focus was protecting me. I don't like the way Shane's been acting. It's like he really doesn't care about us. He's been holding on to Austin's Smoking Skull belt for a while now just to spite him. All he wants to do is be with the Corporation. I don't like when he gets like this. He needs to be there for me like a big brother should.  
And the Un-, sorry. Mark left me a little note on my computer screen. reminding me of his promise to me from last week. Like I could forget. And no, I still haven't told anyone about what happened. I wanted to tonight, but Dad was so enraged from that "sacrifice", I just couldn't bring it up. I don't think I can.  
Well, guess what? He won't have me or my virginity. My dad will make sure of that.


	3. Chapters 4, 5, and 6

Author's Notes and shit: I'm sharing 3 chapters at once because they're relatively short compared to the upcoming few chapters, which I apologize for, but it's how they came out, so it is what it is. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 4: 4/12/99 10:32 PM

Wow!  
It actually hit the fan tonight.  
Shane turned his back on our family tonight.  
Not only did he put me in danger by calling me out to the ring (Dad wouldn't let me go out there without him and the security guards), but he showed complete disrespect. Not only towards me, but especially towards Dad. First by slapping him, then by disavowing him as his father.  
I couldn't believe what was happening. I knew Dad really wanted to beat some sense into Shane, but I think me being there stopped him from doing so. Plus, all his energy was focused on me and keeping me safe from the Undertaker. But I do give Dad a lot of credit, though. He kept his cool in a situation he never thought he'd be in. His own son, my brother...drunk with power and out of control.  
What does this all mean for my relationship with Shane? He says he doesn't care about me...but I doubt that's true. Somewhere in his heart, he still cares...at least that's what I'd like to believe.  
But at least I still have my father by my side. As long as I have him, nothing else matters.

Chapter 5: 4/19/99 6:14 PM

I'm getting ready to go to WWF Headquarters for another interview with Dad. We're going to discuss Shane's power grab and how it's affected our family.  
I still haven't told anyone what happened in that basement with me and Mark. I don't know how, if, or when I might be able to bring it up with Dad. I'm more worried about him than I am about myself at this point.  
Remember Ken Shamrock? He rescued me from the basement 3 weeks ago. Well, he left the Corporation last week, because they didn't help him when the Ministry ambushed him, allowing them to sacrifice his sister, Ryan, 2 weeks ago.  
Well, the Ministry were at it again, wanting to send a message to Vince and myself. So they targeted Debra, Jeff Jarrett and Owen Hart's manager. But Ken stopped them before they could do anything. Mark told him that Ryan was in the boiler room. So he went and thanks to Mankind, they found Ryan. But the Ministry attacked them and wanted to sacrifice him. If it hadn't been for Christian and the Brood turning on the Ministry, who knows how far things would have gone?  
I'm glad that Ryan is safe. God only knows the horrors she went through at the hands of the Ministry.  
That's Dad now. Gotta run.

4/19/99 11:26 PM

Just when I thought things couldn't get any crazier...  
Someone from the Ministry actually came to WWF Headquarters and tried to break in!  
Luckily, Dad was on top of things. He went downstairs and actually fought the guy! But he got in his car and drove away.  
Dad came back in a foul mood. He said security almost dropped the ball there. I tried to reassure him that they were doing the best they can, but he said they're not doing enough. He ordered stronger, extra security for Backlash this Sunday. He says the Ministry might plan something big and he wants to prevent it from happening at any cost. I have total faith in my dad. I know he'll protect me with his life.

Chapter 6: 4/25/99 2:01 PM

Well, tonight is Backlash. Dad's already at the arena, making sure that security is in place for us for tonight.  
I haven't seen Shane since he disowned Dad a couple of weeks ago. But I've watched him on TV, dealing with Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the Big Show, in addition to keeping the Corporation in tact. It's a lot of work, but he says he's the man for the job. He also says that he's doing a better job than Dad could ever do. Whatever.  
Anyway, he's the guest referee for Rock vs. Austin tonight. I already know he's going to be a very biased referee. If only someone could help Austin out, and I don't see that happening anytime soon.  
Gotta go. Xandra's calling!

4/25/99 10:14 PM

Thought I'd write in here really quick. Dad left me in the limo to take care of something. Of course, security is out here keeping watch over me. Every now and then, I'll talk to them.  
As it turns out, this one guard, Pete, is a huge fan of the Rock. Now Rock may be a jerk, but he's an entertaining jerk who does have his fans. Me? I personally hope he loses to Steve Austin so he can get his Smoking Skull belt back.  
Dad should be coming out any minute now. Let me check outside for him...


	4. Chapter 7

Author's notes and shit: This is the big moment of this story, hence the length of the chapter. Again, this does contain rape so trigger warnings apply here. If it's too much for you, just hit the back button, please. This isn't the first rape scene I've written, but it's the first time I put it in so much detail. I apologize in advance if I went too far. I appreciate reviews, comments, criticism, etc. Please let me know how I'm doing.

Chapter 7: 4/27/99 3:53 AM

I'm still in shock over all that's happened since my last entry. I'm still trying to process it all.  
Let me start from the beginning.  
Sunday night...the night that my life changed.  
I was waiting for my dad in the limo outside the arena, and I was talking to Pete, the security guard.  
Suddenly, the Ministry burst out from the arena. Pete banged on the roof, telling the driver to go. He sped off.  
I didn't want to leave my dad behind. So I tried to let the driver know that we had to go back and get him.  
The partition came down...it was the Undertaker!  
"Where to, Stephanie?"  
I screamed for my dad, but it was too late. We drove from the arena off to God knows where.  
"There now, little one. Daddy's not here to protect you now." He taunted me.  
It felt like we were driving forever, but eventually the limo stopped. I looked outside the window and saw that we were at a creepy motel. I got an uneasy feeling in my stomach. I knew something very bad was about to happen, but what exactly, I didn't know. I'd never been so scared in all my life.  
After several minutes, my door opened. These two men, who I recognized as the ones who abducted me the first time, reached in and pulled me out of the limo.  
"Let me go!" I yelled as loud as I could, hoping someone would hear me.  
They dragged me to a room on the first floor, carried me in and just waited.  
Soon, the Undertaker walked into the room. He quickly dismissed the men and left me alone with him. I felt a sickening sense of deja vu. In my mind, I was reliving the first time I was alone with him in that basement.  
"Well, well...looks like we meet again, dear Stephanie."  
"What do you want?"  
"I see you've forgotten my vow to you. The next time we met..."  
I had to think about it for a second. Then his words came back to me and hit me like a train.  
"I will claim you and make you mine."  
I knew then what he had planned for me. But he was only going to get it over my dead body.  
"No!" I yelled and bolted towards the door, but he quickly grabbed me in his strong arms.  
"Sorry, young one. You're not getting away from me tonight." He said before he threw me on the bed. "Looks like you've got a lot of energy in you. I know how we can burn some of it off." He said as he removed his black vest, exposing his massive chest and the tattoo on his stomach.  
"Taker, please..." I begged him, but he had no intention of stopping. That was fine with me. I had no intention of surrendering.  
He got on top of me, straddling me with his legs holding me down.  
He ripped open my sweater, uncovering my black bra underneath. He slowly ran his fingers under the top of my bra. He pulled the straps off my shoulders and bared my breasts. I felt him tease my nipples into hardness. His uncharacteristically gentle touch made me completely nauseous.  
He reached down and pulled my skirt apart easily, leaving me in black panties, which were soon also torn off.  
He moved a knee in between my legs, opening them to his perverted gaze. He let a finger go into my, until now, untouched private area and make its way inside me.  
"Tighter than even I expected. This is going to be sweet." He drawled.  
Trust me, sweet was the exact opposite if what I was experiencing. This was utter and brutal hell.  
He undid his jeans...and this was where it all became a blur. It happened so fast, though it felt like forever.  
I remember begging him not to do this and trying to push him off of me. The next sound I heard was me screaming as he forced his way inside me and took my virginity away with one hard thrust of his manhood.  
All I could do was cry as he had his way with me. All the while, he kissed my face and called me "his love". Soon I just stopped fighting and just lay there as the torment continued. He'd gotten what he wanted and he had fulfilled his evil prophecy. I was so relieved when he finally released himself into me and called out my name. He rolled off of me and lay there, caressing my belly. I'll never forget the sick, yet satisfied smile on his face.  
"See, that wasn't so bad. I just knew it was going to be wonderful." He told me. He kissed me on the cheek and told me to get some rest because he had big plans for me the next day.  
Unfortunately, that included more sick assaults on my innocent body and spirit. He'd woken me up and taken me once...twice...I stopped counting after 3 times. Each one worse than the time before it. I think it was after the second attack that I finally gave in and stopped fighting him. He was bigger, stronger, and more powerful than me in every way. Resistance was futile. I'd accepted my destiny as his plaything, to be used only for his amusement and pleasure.  
I was sore down there from having been taken so many times and I could barely walk. The only times he'd left me alone were when he got us something to eat, even though I had no appetite by this time, and when I took a shower. Even then, he watched me and touched himself while doing so.  
Then he had me get dressed in an outfit he had chosen for me. It was a tight black t-shirt and a leather miniskirt. He left me without underwear, which meant that he could play with me anytime he wanted...which was often. Whether it was placing his fingers inside me, or putting his lips and tongue on my nether regions, the bottom line was that I was his slave. Without a doubt, I hated every minute of it.  
Oh, but it gets even worse. When we had finally left for the arena, he dropped one hell of a bombshell on me. He said that we were going to get married.  
No. No. HELL NO. That was my breaking point. I'd had it with him. I told him off and said that it wasn't happening. His response? He undid his pants and took me one last time. I was glad when it was over. All I knew is that I had to get back to my father.  
When we got to the arena, he led me to a room. The Undertaker handed me a black gown and told me to get dressed, which I did. Thankfully, he didn't watch me this time. We waited until near the end of the show when the Ministry came and surrounded us. The same two men from before grabbed my arms and led me through the backstage area until we got to a hidden section of the arena. Laying on the floor was the Undertaker symbol. I immediately freaked out because I remembered that the Ministry had sacrificed Ryan Shamrock on this very symbol just weeks ago. But the Undertaker had told me we were getting married. So was the symbol really necessary? Of course, I didn't have a say in the matter.  
They tied me to the symbol and carried me out to the ring. Paul Bearer read from this book and started the ceremony. I screamed the whole time while The Undertaker taunted me and stroked my hair, caressed my face...sending chills up my spine. After all that he had already put me through, he wanted me to spend the rest of my life with him? I prayed for someone, anyone to save me from this mad man.  
I saw Ken Shamrock and the Big Show try to stop the wedding, but they each were quickly disposed of by the Ministry. Just as Paul said that the Undertaker could kiss his bride...a very unwilling bride, at that...I heard the sound of glass breaking. That meant that Steve Austin was on his way!  
He ran down to the ring, beating up on the Ministry along the way. He got in the ring and beat down the Undertaker. He grabbed a steel chair and hammered down on everyone in his line of fire.  
When it was finally just me and him in the ring, we looked at each other. Then he came over and untied my arms from the symbol, and I untied my feet. As soon as I got off the symbol, I ran over and hugged him. He didn't know how to respond. He just stood there.  
Soon my father came to the ring. The second I saw him, tears came to my eyes and I ran into his arms, sobbing. Man, did it feel good to be back with my dad. Especially after the last 24 hours of hell that I'd experienced.  
Now I'm back in a nice hotel room in a nice, cozy bed and my father not too far away. So all should be right with the world, right? Wrong.  
I can't sleep because the memories of me being raped are still fresh in my mind and they're keeping me awake. Every time I close my eyes, I hear his laugh, I see his face. I even feel his touch upon my skin. It's enough to make me physically ill.  
You know the worst thing about this? If I couldn't tell my dad that one of his most loyal employees had sexually harassed me before, then I certainly couldn't tell him that I'd been raped. This was just what I needed...another secret to keep. Oh, well. It is what it is. All I can do is try to move on with my life. Of course, I could just pretend that it didn't happen...but it did and I can't. I guess I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life.


	5. Chapters 8 and 9

Chapter 8: 4/29/99 11:27 PM

Shane has some nerve.  
Tonight on Smackdown, he interrupted me and my father when him and his Corporation came out to the ring to brag about how they'd kicked the Rock out and beat him down.  
OK, I wasn't actually surprised by that. Why wouldn't he take that opportunity to make it all about him?  
What I was surprised by was what happened later in the night.  
Apparently, he and the Corporation are in cahoots with the Undertaker and his Ministry of Darkness. They came together and announced the forming of the Corporate Ministry.  
I know it shouldn't have shocked me as much as it did, but how dare he? How could he stand side by side with the man who has made my life a living hell for the past 2 months? The "man", and I use that term loosely, who had tortured my father, stalked me, abducted me twice, and raped me more times than I care to count. And now, he's teaming up with my brother? What the hell?  
Dad got involved in the match between HHH and the Undertaker vs. Austin and the Rock. The Undertaker actually hit him with a steel chair after he punched Shane. He stopped Austin from getting hit with the chair. I bet that was for rescuing me on Monday.  
After Dad came back to the hotel, we talked and he said that Shane needed to be dealt with as soon as possible. So he called Mom and asked her to come with us to Raw this Monday and be the voice of reason. Of course, she said yes.  
I hope Shane doesn't make this situation worse. Then again, I had also hoped I wouldn't be hurt by the Undertaker, and you know how that turned out. So this could go either way. Anything's possible these days.

Chapter 9: 5/4/99 1:27 AM

My family has completely had it with Shane, especially my father. Last night was the last straw.  
Shane completely disrespected both Mom and Dad, even going so far as to tell Mom to shut her mouth. Dad absolutely wanted to beat some respect in and out of Shane, but again, he didn't do so. So we started to walk away and leave in peace.  
Then Shane said that he could have him do it again. We were all confused. Then he actually confessed that he was the one behind my abductions. He had made it possible for the Undertaker to kidnap me not once, but twice! He said he did it all so he could take control of the WWF away from my father.  
He had someone take pictures of me, he stole my teddy bear that was a gift from Pat Patterson, he gave the Ministry access to our house! He said he even picked out the gown I wore last Monday for my failed "wedding".  
Dad had finally had enough. He rushed after the Undertaker and Shane, but the numbers game with the Corporate Ministry was too much for him to overcome. They beat him so bad. Then he accepted Shane's challenge for a fight. Of course, he had Mom and I leave the arena. He didn't want us to watch what he was going to do to Shane.  
When Mom and I got back to the hotel, I burst into tears. How could Shane, my brother, betray me like this? How could he have someone just torment me and our family? But what I really wanted to know...was if he had set me up to be raped as well.  
I don't have the cojones to even think about mentioning the rapes that I'd endured to anyone. Not Dad, not Mom, not even Xandra...and we share everything. But not this. I don't want her to see me as weak. I have to do everything I can to be a good influence, and a good sister to her. If that means going to the grave with this, then so be it. No one can ever know this.


	6. Chapters 10, 11, and 12

Chapter 10: 6/7/99 10:34 PM

Do you remember a while back when I said anything was possible? Well, tonight certainly proved that.  
I can honestly say that our family will never be the same again.  
How's this for a twist? The abductions, the stalking, even the "wedding"...were all contrived by my father. The same man who protected me all of my life had me kidnapped, had me followed, and even almost had me married to the Undertaker...all so he could screw Stone Cold Steve Austin out of the WWF title.  
I can't believe his hatred for Austin knows no bounds. How could Dad even think of something so sinister? How could he use me to go after the man who ironically saved me from the Undertaker? How could he and Shane do this to me?  
I had thought that out of all of the people in the world, the only person I could count on was my dad. Boy, was I wrong. Everyone was wrong.  
But Mom came to the rescue. She made Dad and Shane pay for their sins. We took our company shares, pooled them together, and gave them to Steve Austin, effectively taking away their controlling interest and making him CEO of the WWF.  
Honestly, it couldn't have happened to two more deserving people. I don't care if they are my family.  
Now that I know that I can never trust my dad again, he doesn't deserve to know about me being raped by the Undertaker. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he was behind that, as well.  
To tell you the truth, I really feel sorry for Mom. She married a man who would put his own daughter in danger like that. She deserves to know how much I admire her for staying strong throughout all of this.  
Well, it looks like it's just the McMahon women from now on...me, Mom, and Xandra. We don't need Dad or Shane if they'd do something like this to their own family.  
I'm really hungry. I haven't eaten much lately...mostly because I haven't been able to keep anything down. I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. Hopefully she'll tell me what's going on. I hope it's not the stomach flu.

Chapter 11: 6/13/99 1:56 PM

Sorry I haven't written in the last few days, but too much has gone down for me to write in only a half hour a night. But I have some time now so I think I'll just go for it.  
Remember that stomach flu I thought I had? Well, the good news was that it definitely wasn't that. The bad news was far worse than even I could have imagined.  
I was pregnant.  
The doctor confirmed this for me 4 days ago. I couldn't believe this. It wasn't fair. I was already having flashbacks and nightmares from the rapes he'd inflicted on me...and now I was 6 weeks pregnant with his unborn child? This I just couldn't take.  
I asked the doctor what I could do. She suggested that I give the baby up for adoption, but I couldn't see myself doing that to any child of mine. Then she suggested that I could get an abortion. I'd never really thought about actually doing it...but then again, I also never expected to get pregnant from multiple rapes, either. This poor baby didn't need to be born into a world where their mother suffered pure hell during the conception.  
So I slept on it for a night, and I decided I had to do what was best for me...and that was not bringing an innocent child into this harsh world where their life could change in an instant, like mine did.  
The next morning, I went to the clinic that the doctor recommended and talked to someone about what I was going through. I have to say, it did feel good to finally tell someone that I had been raped, despite it not being anyone in my family. The doctor in charge said that they understood and that they could help me, but they had to absolutely make sure that I wanted to go through with it. I told her that I was 100% sure. After everything I'd been through with the Undertaker, there was no way in hell that I was going through 7 and a half more months of constantly being reminded that I'd been raped.  
I won't go into the gory details here, but the procedure was relatively painless and successful. The doctor told me that there was no reason that I couldn't have another baby in the future. That was good, since I definitely was not ready to have one now, regardless of how they were conceived.  
With that said, I decided that I will be burning these pages and starting over in a new journal. Why? I don't want any reminders of the past 4 months. From the stalking, to the abductions, and especially the rapes and the pregnancy made in hell. I don't want to see anything that will remind me of this time in my life. As far as I'm concerned, THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN.

Chapter 12: 6/14/99 3:23 PM

Just thought I'd take a few minutes to write in here and let out what's been going on.  
Mom and I have had no contact with Dad or Shane since the whole "Greater Power" debacle last week. Steve Austin is doing a hell of a job as CEO of the WWF. He's putting his shares of the company on the line in a match against Dad and Shane at King of the Ring. But if I know my dad and my brother, they have something planned to make sure that they get controlling interest of the company back in their grasp. After all, that's all they care about these days, isn't it?  
Anyway, Xandra's coming home for the summer tomorrow, and I can't wait to see her. I'm looking forward to spending time with my little sister, catching up on how her life is at Yale, plus I know she wants to hear all about my adventures in the WWF.  
And I know you're wondering if I've even mentioned any of the horrible things I'd been through to anyone in the family. The answer? Absolutely not. My mom would be devastated, and I don't think that Dad or Shane really care about what happens to me anymore, so there we are.  
But what about Xandra? The truth is that she's probably the only one I would tell, though I'd have to hold her to a lifetime vow of secrecy. But I feel I can't even tell her. Mostly because I don't know what she'd think of me. I love her so much and her opinion means everything to me. I'd hate to wonder how she'd feel knowing her older sister couldn't protect herself from being raped. I sincerely hope she never has to find out the awful truth. But more importantly, I hope she never has to go through what I went through. I hope she doesn't have her virginity taken away in such a horrid act like I did. She deserves to be treated better than I was for my first time. I hope whoever takes her virginity really loves her and treats her well. She needs to be loved...because I sure didn't get it.  
Speaking of love...I have to write about this man I like. His name is Andrew, he's the nicest guy, and he's just what I need after everything I've been through. I'll tell you more about him next time.

The end...for now. There will be a volume 2, based on the 2003 events of A Dark Nightmare Revisited. Stay tuned!


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